dreaming of a path not taken

For about the last half of my life I’ve had a recurring dream that I am about to go onstage to perform in front of a large audience, but I’m totally unprepared. In this dream I am often backstage with the other members of some very famous musical group thinking, “What in the world am I doing?” This, along with the “Oh, here’s our new house. My, isn’t it big?” dream are the only two dreams I have over and over again. Last night I dreamed I was performing with Chan Marshall.

I’ve always assumed these music dreams were about performance anxiety, that fears about my unpreparedness for various tasks were being played out in my sleep. Certainly when you have a job like mine in which you frequently stand up in front of people and play the part of a smart person you sometimes feel unprepared. But in my dream last night I wasn’t backstage. I was onstage. And I wasn’t particularly anxious. We were just playing music together. Maybe my unconscious isn’t working through anxieties. Maybe it’s telling me I need to be playing music.

So I think I’m going to buy an electric guitar (maybe a Fender Telecaster) and amp. I’ve been playing for about 20 years, but I haven’t worked at getting any better for a long time. I looked into lessons today, and found a place that charges $15 for 30 minutes. That seems really cheap.

I’ll keep you posted.

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