crisis in the summer reading list

Early this morning I received this press release from the Jeremy Collier Association for Literary Purity and agreed to pass it along:

It has come to our attention that the poems of Tupac Shakur are being included on a high school summer reading list in Worcester, Massachusetts. As Michelle Malkin
has pointed out, Shakur was a “drug-dealing, baseball bat-wielding, cop-hating, Black Panthers-worshiping, convicted sexual abuser who made a fortune extolling the “thug life” before he was gunned down in Las Vegas eight years ago,” and students should not be encouraged to read his work. We at the JCALP have been monitoring the lives of writers for centuries, and we wish to draw Malkin’s attention to additional shocking instances of deviants and degenerates whose work is currently being taught in our schools.

  1. Radical nutjob.
  2. Wrote filthy stories featuring rape, murder, anilingus, adultery, and witchcraft. Mocked religion and religious figures.
  3. Made his money in one of the sleaziest professions around, corrupted the morals of the public and encouraged thievery, prostitution, drunkenness, and the neglect of one’s trade. Stole most of his ideas from others. Liked to dress up little boys as women for the purposes of entertainment. His poetry indicates that he was possibly a homosexual pedophile and had a fetish for inter-racial sex.
  4. A shady character involved in international espionage, was probably a sexual deviant, possibly a heretic, made his money in a sleazy profession, and – unsurprisingly – met a violent end in a drunken bar fight.
  5. Peddler of sensationalist tripe.
  6. Convicted criminal.
  7. Endorsed and actively worked for the overthrow of the government, wrote propaganda defending the execution of the head of state, and provided essential services for the homicidal terrorists who had managed to take over the country.
  8. Dangerous spy, rumored to be a whore. Perhaps the Monica Lewinsky of her day. Smut peddler.
  9. A flip-flopper who kept changing his religion depending on who held power in the government.
  10. Peddler of infantile humor. Potty mouth.
  11. Radical. Smut peddler.
  12. Held dangerous religious beliefs. Possibly a threat to the government. Wrote offensive “mock epics,” probably because he couldn’t write real ones.
  13. Rumored to be a whore. Smut peddler.
  14. Compulsive masturbator.
  15. Nutjob.
  16. Lived with a man out of wedlock and became his baby mama. Wrote radical political propaganda defending vicious terrorists and attacking family values.
  17. Supported a nation known to harbor terrorists. A flip-flopper, though. Voted for the terrorists before he voted against them.
  18. Drug addict.
  19. Radical nutjob with dangerous religious views. Attempted to convince his wife to let another woman move in with them so he could have sex with her.
  20. Sexually promiscuous. Rumored to be a sexual deviant. Probably had incestuous relationship with half-sister, resulting in the birth of a child. Fathered children by several women, in fact. Provided financial support for terrorists.
  21. Pervert.
  22. Sexual deviant. Convicted criminal.
  23. Pedophile.
  24. Nutjob.
  25. Fascist sympathizer.
  26. Pornographer and pervert.
  27. Pornographer.
  28. Suicidal nutjob.
  29. Shotgun wielding thug. Suicidal alcoholic.
  30. Shot and killed his wife for fun. Consumed massive amounts of recreational drugs for decades. Sexual deviant. Pornographer.
  31. Pornograper. Deviant. Drug user.
  32. Drug user.
  33. Suicidal nutjob.

We call upon all concerned chosen people to submit the names of writers whose personal lives contain any questionable details. Our children, and indeed our cultural heritage, will not be safe until we have purged the reading lists of anything and everything that … well, let’s just leave it at anything and everything.

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11 thoughts on “crisis in the summer reading list

  1. I am edified and now feel appropriately armed and warned.
    BTW, are there any great writers that aren’t deviants of some sort? (Just kidding…not a believer that ostracism, hedonism, poverty or pain are absolute requirements to the production of great work, because then we’d all be screwed).

  2. Don’t forget J.D. Salinger, who is also notoriously insane. Oh, and we probably shouldn’t read Thomas Jefferson, either. After all, it’s well-documented that he had children out of wedlock.

  3. Amusing list, although Lewis Carroll’s pedophilia has been recently called into question (see Karoline Leach, among others). Lord Byron’s bisexuality seems to have been omitted from his list of transgressions, along with William Wordsworth’s illegitimate child. Mary Shelley, of course, was keeping company with Percy before they got married. And don’t forget George Eliot, that great moral voice of the Victorian period, who cohabited with a married man.

  4. G2–
    FYI: Chaucer was actually charged with rape (either sexual congress or forcible seizure of a woman), and though we’re not sure exactly what the charges were about, they were dismissed after some curious finagling by some influential friends.
    Also, you could add Ben Jonson who was a murderer, and the most like man who wrote the Morte Darthur, one Thomas Malory, was a cattle rustler, murderer, rapist, terrorist, thief, destroyer of church property, etc.

  5. i think all that shit talk about tupac should stop his poems werent submitted to the summer reading lists in worcester because theyre talking bout thug life having sex and selling drugs.You cant say someones poems shouldnt be read because they make albums about thug life gettin bitches gettin money and killing people if thats what theyre poems were about then ya u could go ahead and yalk shit but until stop haiting.

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