That’s the zen way, right? Focus on your present, rather than your past or future. My present is tolerable, but not great. It’s my future I get excited about.

As an army brat, I grew up feeling the need to reinvent myself to suit whatever circumstances presented themselves as we moved from place to place: Georgia, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Belgium, California, Italy. Throwing out whatever had seemed to work in the previous location when it no longer worked in the new (or when I assumed it would no longer work in the new). Trying to make other people happy all the time. These patterns continue into adulthood: grad school in Maryland and then tenure-track job in the American midwest. What do people want? How can I focus on giving them what they want?

John Locke be damned, it’s time to think differently about my life.

The break is over, and a mere seven weeks separate late winter from mid-spring, when the term ends and I take a research trip to England for several weeks. What does the second half of the semester hold? A grant application to write, third-year review to complete, papers to grade, papers to write, a trip to Las Vegas, meals eaten out, meals eaten in, research on microfiche, considering the future, trying to get to the gym regularly, clearing out the material things I no longer need and finding them good homes, volunteering at a local animal shelter. It’s only life.

Speeding motorcycle, the road is ours.
Speeding motorcycle, let’s speed some more.

“Speeding Motorcycle” (MP3, 2.9MB), by Daniel Johnston and Yo La Tengo.

MP3 files are posted for evaluation purposes only. Availability is limited: usually 24 hours. Through this site, I’m trying to share and promote good music with others, who will also hopefully continue to support these artists. Everyone is encouraged to purchase music and concert tickets for the artists you feel merit your hard earned dollars. If you hold copyright to one of these songs and would like the file removed, please let me know.

Spring keeps playing peekaboo with us. School resumes tomorrow, and the previous week has brought a few very nice, sunny days. However, this morning the temperature hovers just below freezing. I’m trying to find the motivation to get myself to the gym this morning, neeeding only to put on a sweatshirt and some shoes and walk a couple of blocks. It’s time to take seriously the need to maintain my health, physical and mental. Worrying about money comes so easily, but worrying about staying healthy seems a luxury. Clearly these attitudes need to be switched.

A moody funk has tailed me all week, but this morning I feel pretty good.

…”What’s goin’ on?”

The blogging has been sort of light here lately, I realize, but I have a perfectly good explanation. I’m just not sure how much of my life I can blog right now. The fact that Somebody got a great job is really good news, but it’s not as good as if the place where I work had seen fit to give Somebody a job. You see, we were hiring in Somebody’s area, and Somebody is eminently qualified for the job: published, grant- and award-winning, networked, and connected. But the job went to another person (who I’m sure will make a wonderful addition to the university). However, now my life has just gotten a lot more complicated, what with the travelling and the two places to live and the long-distance relationship and the video conferencing and…well, you get the idea. It’s hard not to be angry that this decision was made the way it was made. Mostly I’m feeling a complicated mix of emotions that are hard to sort.

People I work with read my blog, and that means that in this situation there are just some things that I cannot write. In fact, much of what I write about my new life might be stuff I’d rather not have associated with my real identity. I’m actually considering closing the chapter on this blog and starting up a new, truly anonymous one. However, doing so would mean that I cannot write about my research or teaching the way I have in the past. So do I maintain two different blogs? That just seems like more trouble than it’s worth.

In short, I’m still here, and I’m still reading blogs, even as I do not comment very much on what y’all are writing.

It’s spring break, by the way, and today we got a little snow. Yippee.

It would seem that somebody, not me, landed a job in a state that touches the ocean. I am not leaving my current position, but for the foreseeable future I’ll be spending a lot of time in a city hundreds of miles away from where I currently live. I’m on leave from teaching in the fall, and I’ll be commuting back for my classes in Spring 2006.